I don't know.

Yeah, it's true. I don't know.

Why am I writing blog at this time? I don't know.

Aren't these cute? These are my feelings now. 

Mixed. Yeah, mixed feelings. 

Can I get a tipsy? Just kidding. 

Wine/Alcohols are to enjoy.

Just as everything seems to be going so well,

Just as I have planned how things shall be,

Just as I thought the good things are going to come,

The news just hit me. It hit me so hard, that right now I am lying down, looking up at the storm that is oncoming. 

For some people, it might not meant a thing. 

As for me, it meant a lot to me.

6 main papers this semester. 2 failed paper from previous semesters.

Supposed to finish up all 8 papers this semester and continue with my Advance Diploma. 

Finish up it smoothly, go to UK, come back and start building up my career.  Bring daddy mummy overseas for holiday. Start caring and blessing those who have been very nice to me. Find a good girlfriend, build the relationship, get married and have a family.

Right now, I saw it vanishing for the moment.

College rules, only maximum 7papers allowed. 

How bout that one more that I failed? 

"No, you can't resit. You just have to wait one more year." 

What to do with that one year? Not sure.

I don't know. 

Work? Yeah, work. 

But, why not let me just finish up my studies first? 

I am not stupid. That's the fact. 

I am not lazy. That's the supporting fact.

I have big dreams, and I don't just dream.

I have been working on it, but why is there boundaries keep coming?

The saying says, "Nothing that kills you, will just make you stronger." 

"Nobody succeed without failing." 

Just as I know so much of all these, there's a feeling inside of me that's disturbing me. 

I don't feel like losing at all. 

Never.

God, at this moment. Inside of me, there might be negative thoughts. I might be weak. But Lord, this is the time that I really need You, to keep me strong, keep me going, keep me running with You. 

I just want You. 

I don't know why it happened to me, but I prayed that I would be strengthen by You, in the days that is coming, that I would be a great testimony to glorify Your name. 

For whatever reasons that this happen to me, I know that You are in control. I would obey, and I would keep following You for the rest of my life. Never forsake me. 

I need You O Lord.. 

 I would keep praying, keep waiting, stay alert to listen to You.